no rest for the wicked


Summer solstice is here 😀 

More daylight = less time I have to be inside and idk, pretend to sleep?

I still don’t sleep. I’ve read a lot of books (wayyyyy past that book project I started). I’ve watched a lot of Netflix. I’ve played a lot of Pokemon. Idk. I’m so used to 3 hours of sleep that it doesn’t feel weird anymore. For the most part. Some days I hit a wall. But usually there are other reasons behind it.

Father’s Day is tomorrow and I honestly forgot. Because I don’t need to remember a specific day for my dad. Everyday is still Father’s Day. Everyday still hurts a little. 

This year has been different though. It’s been so much less tense. In short, I’m just so much happier. And I say that a lot on this blog, and then have some sort of bad day and mental collapse, but honestly. I really am happier. And it’s easier for me to be happy for other people. A year ago, if my two best friends at work had quit? I probably would’ve walked away within a month of them leaving. Victoria recently retired and Rachael found another job. And I’m ok. I’m actually great. It’s different at work but it’s honestly not terrible.

And a year ago, I had this whole other issue with what was Mr. Thoughtful and well, it’s weird to think that’s what I was doing a year ago. It seems like so long ago. And I regret nothing. I’m just glad I’m here, now, and not repeating that mistake. 

A year from now I can only hope I have the same feeling. That I regret nothing. 

I have a lot to be thankful for that happened in this past year. I’m proud to have shared it with the people I love most. I get to watch the most beautiful kids grow up and learn something new everyday. I have people I can turn to and know, no matter what, they’ll help me in every possible way they can. I graduated college. I cried in another Pixar movie. I cried during a new Jurassic Park movie. I cried during the fireworks at Disneyland. I got to see Kacey Musgraves perform live. I got to memorialize my dad in almost the most “me” way possible. 

I let go of a lot of hate for things and agreed to be happy. 

It sucks to be lied to, constantly. It sucks to be taken for granted, constantly. It sucks to be treated as a disposable figure, constantly. It sucks that some people don’t even realize they do that to you. And a year ago those things piled up for a while and it really sucked. But I’m over it. They can keep doing it. Because it sort of doesn’t bother me anymore. They know that I don’t care about it. So who really ends up winning? (I do). It sounds mean but I can go on living knowing I’m happier than they are. 

And I can go on living, knowing that eventually they’ll come back around and figure out what they need. Everybody deserves another chance. 

The rest of 2015 has a lot of potential. My brother is getting married (!) on Monday. I’m turning 25. I’m going to Disneyland twice again. I’ll be seeing Hozier in October. And then the 1975 (even though I’m not super into them) in December. In between there may be another concert (should a friend come through for me) and there’s thanksgiving and Christmas after. I have a lot of happiness coming. And they can’t bring me down. 

This year’s Father’s Day post is dramatically different, and for the better. My dad taught us to love and live fully (and so did the Beatles). I love him and I miss him and I’m going to live fully for him every damn day if it’s the last thing I do. 

Mend your own fences and own your own crazy. 

Happy Father’s Day, dad. 

I’m thankful for everything and more that he did for me. And I’m thankful for Kate, and Sergio, and Theo, and Rachael, and Victoria, and Andrew and everybody else. They keep me going. 

So let’s get going, 2015. We still have half the year to celebrate 🙂 

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