relativity

Can you hear me, that when it rains and shines
It’s just a state of mind?
Rain, I don’t mind. Shine, the weather’s fine.
– The Beatles

It’s all relative.

No matter how bad it gets, it can always be worse. Even though you so desperately want to be the saddest girl in the world, it can always be worse.

It’s all relative.

Thanksgiving… is a thing. Thanksgiving happened and it was a pleasant reminder that I’m pretty damn satisfied with the family I chose for myself.

As far as blood relatives go? I have two left. For all intents and purposes, I have no grandparents (the one surviving grandmother, I haven’t spoken to her in three years, and she hasn’t tried to contact me, and it’s a mess), I have no uncles and aunts and cousins. They’re all gone. Or I guess I never knew them. I don’t honestly really want to know them though – right now it really just feels like it’d be more obligation followed by betrayal.

Family betrayal is the worst. That whole “blood is thicker than water” business really sucks when it turns out to be true.

Let’s get this straight, I will always be loyal to my brother and my mother. No matter how poorly I get treated, I always have to stay because they’re my family. It’s stay and bear it, or lose them forever. And no matter how much it really hurts sometimes being in their company, I always stay. That damn, thick, Japanese blood.

Anyways, Thanksgiving definitely re-focused how much I really do appreciate what my friends offer me. All of them offered me ways out. And then even after Thanksgiving, they all listened. They all put things into perspective. Because it can always get worse.

It’s all relative.

So, I’m stepping away from my own pity party (again). Until probably mid-December when I get holiday depressed (again). I love holidays – for other people. I like buying people stuff. It’s fun. It’s like a game, and I’m real good at it. I guess to put it correctly, I like everything leading UP to holidays and birthdays. I like other people’s birthdays. But not my own. I like celebrating Christmas for other people, but I’m not a big fan of Christmas at my house.

It’s the same as people hating rain. At work this morning there have already been 15 people come in complaining about it saying it’s ruined their days. Well, I love rain. The sound, the smell, the feel, the look, the way it sits on things. I love it. I’m big into weather. Re-evaluating how you see the world makes you appreciate the sky, I guess.

When I was 12 we went to Italy as a family. It was late July. It was so hot. And it didn’t really bother me because everything in Italy is unreal-pretty. Magazine pretty. Well everything we saw, anyways. And we hit a lot of non-traditionally-touristy places. I’m sure there are hidden parts of Italy that Italians think aren’t pretty (whatever, Italy, you know you’re gorgeous).

We actually went with another family and started in Venice. Then rented cars, drove through Tuscany and stayed a few nights there. Then ended in Rome. I don’t think there was a single, ugly sky on any of those days. It rained a few days, and we were in big cities and little towns and every sky was different. We chased a sunset in Tuscany, and it may have been one of the most beautiful things I’ve experienced.

After that trip a lot changed – mostly in the direction of “no worries guys, I’ll just let you treat me like shit because you’ve made it clear that’s what I’m here for.” My dad and I used to spend random afternoons taking pictures for various jobs he had to do. We would drive around the city, he’d show me secret spots. We’d listen to good music. We’d have ice cream or tacos or McDonald’s and visit Amoeba. That stopped. My brother basically just stopped talking to me, unless it was out of necessity. My mother stopped putting me as a priority. I was the least important family member. And it all just got steadily worse from there because I was 14.

Years 14-23? Not great. I mean it’s still not “great” in what I would like to define as “great” but it’s better. It was definitely worse. And can always be worse.

It’s all relative.

Time to snap out of it – it’s Sunday! It’s routine day!

Here’s a pretty picture I found while figuring out how to prune my roses properly – which I will do a post on. At some point.

Happy Sunday, everyone.

from This Blooming Life

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